Friday, April 30, 2010

Spending days counting days

So lately I have felt REALLY REALLY REALLY lonely... But I know that it comes with the territory of being a wife to a medical student. So maybe this will help others or maybe your husband is home all the time and you have no idea why I am whining...

If you are one of the latter, keep it to yourself nobody likes to hear a bragger.

So here is my "journal entry" of my missing my husband:
First lets start out with the good... I love my life. I really do! I love being mother to a feisty 20 month old and I am really enjoying pregnancy. I love love LOVE my nieghbors and friends who help to keep the sadness at bay (thank you girls you know who you are are you SERIOUSLY keep me sane)

However, I still miss my husband. I caught myself smelling one of his shirts the other day (it smelled like his cologne, not stinky body because we all know I would have thrown up instead of reminisced) Nothing can replace him. I know we drive each other CRAZY sometimes and half the time he is home I don't know what to do with him since I am so used to him being gone. But I do miss him.

It is hard not to be frustrated when you have only spent a total of two hours (awake) with your spouse in the last 6 days...

I have tried all the old tricks in trying NOT to miss him but they all FAILED miserably! Seriously it just made it worse I think. I tired the not thinking about it, the thinking that it is okay to be alone "who needs a man anyway... right? WRONG!!", the not caring if he is gone (meaning emotionally distancing myself so it doesn't hurt as bad when he doesn't get home till 1 am for 3 weeks straight), I think that one was the worst ever... and others that just don't work.

I have realized that yes it hurts to say goodbye, and yes it is sad to eat dinner without him, and yes it is sad when your daughter runs to the window when "daddy is supposed to come home" (I seriously don't know how she knows this) and points to cars driving by and asks "daddy?", or when we sit down for dinner and she says one of her first two words sentences of "daddy home?", and finally every time she passes our bedroom door she looks in and asks for daddy (this is because if Lance IS home when Devy is awake, he is always sleeping... and so on and so on

However I try to remind myself it is STILL VERY IMPORTANT to keep us both happy in our marriage. I do love him and I think that is why I miss him so much. I love him and miss his presence in our home.

I guess I just have to keep reminding myself: THIS IS TEMPORARY

Thats all

PS I LITERALLY count down the days until summer... I have two calenders that I cross off the days every day... I don't know why but it does help. 3 weeks and 1 day left... lol

3 comments:

ricks family said...

I can totally relate...Mike has been working on our new house for the past couple months and the kids always cry when he leaves because he is never home....It is especially sad to see Abby because like Devy she just doesn't understand. Hang in there it will all be worth it..at least that is what I keep telling myself. Love you Kenz!

Veronica said...

OH I wish I was there with you so I could give you a big hug!!!! At least this means you really really really love Lance :) and the time he is with you will be that much more sweeter! Good luck surviving the next 3 weeks! At least he will be done with school before the baby comes!!! Love you and hang in there you are such a strong woman!

Warden Family said...

I am counting down the days until summer too! Before we came to school, Michael had a job that made him work/live away from us 4 days a week. At first, this was almost unbearable! but after a while it got a little less unbearable. Now being in Med school, it is far from easy, but I can say it hurts less with time and the time you do have gets more and more special. I love your honesty and willingness to share your thoughts! I hope to spend more time with you guys over there and be a part of the circle of mommies as we get through these next few years together. :)

16 months

16 months

15 months

15 months

12 months

12 months
Birthday

11 months

11 months
Future basketball player

9 months

9 months

Devy 8 months

Devy 8 months

6 months

6 months

5 months

5 months
The other outfit for Christmas fom Uncle Bryan, her says princess

5 Months

5 Months
Christmas Present from Uncle Bryan

4 Months

4 Months
All Smiles

13 months

13 months

Devy Month 2

Devy Month 2
Her cute little bow

Devy 1 Month

Devy 1 Month
She loves her Daddy

2 weeks

2 weeks
I look way tired but this is the only family pic we have of when she is this little. She looks tired too...